A Picture Share!

At work.

Encore

Ever wonder what happens when you drop a mouse into a fish tank full of piranhas? Yeah, me too.

Orthogonian, RIP

Like I told you, it was only a matter of time until The Orthogonian shut down (or went into cryogenic freeze) and another blog sprouted. Now my collaborative effort with Stuart has come to pass. It's called Caffeine and Irony or C&I for short. We don't really have a direction yet, but hopefully soon we will. For right now, it looks like we are in a big rush to post lots of amusing things we have found on the Internet. Also, since the blog is hosted by my company, don't go and leave F-bombs in the comments section or I'll have to break out the deleted on you.

I'm going to take a break from posting here for a time while I redirect my efforts there. And just so those Whittier jokes know - I'm not giving up my name.

Wanted: Tough, Smart Lawyer

Now that John Ashcroft has submitted his resignation, President Bush should set out on a careful search for our next Attorney General. I have three suggestions:

Jim Adler

"Hurt in a car accident? Look at me, I'm Jim Adler, the tough, smart lawyer (or the "Tough Texas Hammer" or simply the "Texas Hammer"). I'm here to get you every penny you have coming..."

I believe Adler would go after the accused terrorists at Guantanamo as hard as he goes after insurance companies for clients in phony neck braces – and friends, that's hard. With Jim Adler on America's side, criminals may as well just give up. France has already asked to settle out of court.

Plusses: A tough, smart lawyer. Willing to fight for every penny America has coming. Will keep hammerin' and hammerin' until, well, until I don't know when. Minuses: National syndication of his commercials. End of the insurance industry. May not be as tough or smart as he claims.

Brian Loncar

Loncar's motto is "Call in the Strong Arm!" You might as well through a couple more exclamation points, because this Texas Tech Law grad looks to be the next Jim Adler!!!

Plusses: A strong arm – could conceivably double as Attorney General and No. 5 starter for the Washington Senators. Texas Tech connection ensures ties with fellow law school grad. Mike Leach. Minuses: Mike Leach connection. Hairline.

R.A. Gabriel

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R.A. Gabriel could be coaxed out of retirement and change his slogan to, "the Attorney General who sends flowers." Plusses: With a soft touch, he could prod reticent terrorists into giving up with bouquets of babies' breath and tiger lilies. Minuses: Seems more interested in botany than in getting every penny his client has coming. America must not be short-changed.

Bonus: Find any R.A. Gabriel reference on the Internet. A guy like that can't just fade into oblivion, can he?

Why ask why?

A frequent posteur keeps asking why this blog is named what it is. Here's the answer. Over the summer, I read Chris Matthews' (yes, that Chris Matthews) excellent double-barrelled biography of John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon. In it, Matthews explains how Nixon established a fraternity at Whittier College in response to an elite group of sons of rich new dealers who called themselves the Franklins. Orthogonian, which really isn't a word, is a mixture of the latin ortho which means straight and the middle-english suffix -gonian which simply means derivative of. People from Halifax, Nova Scotia are called Haligonians. According to lore Orthogonian meant "straight shooters."

To fully answer ARealOrthogonian's question, in the book Matthews' keeps framing Nixon's public service in terms of an Orthogonian railing against the Franklins, personified by Kennedy. I used that name for this blog because I think I share in some of that resentment that Nixon is said to have had. And while I'm not prepared to act on it, I am willing to appropriate the concept for a blog title.

We weren't wrong, we were robbed!

Just two more items regarding the election – I promise I'm done after this.

Dems who have been treading through 12-step programs following Kerry's defeat may now have an alternative. The folks over at Common Dreams now allege that Bush again stole Florida. Thom Hartmann explains (in 1,969 words) how Bush's 377,000+ vote win in Florida was actually rigged (that's 192 votes per word!). Som Dems might want to pick up on this theory. After all, buying conspiracy theories is my more productive than what this man did.

Back to our regularly scheduled...

Let's talk a bit about Texas football. Call me a reactionary, but I'm prepared to take back all those dirty things I said about Vince Young and his ability to throw the ball. I was wrong. If the Oklahoma State game is any indication, I could well be very wrong. Vince still can't throw the out, or the out and up or really anything from the numbers to the sideline, but man, give that man a seam route and he seems to hit it.

Alas, as astute Texas fans already know, it takes a blue moon crossing a black cat for Greg Davis to break out of his small ball mantra and ring up the seam routes. My question, as it always is, is why will Texas next week go back to a very conservative offense when we just found the Shroud of Turin in the form of Vince Young passing ability?

Where everybody knows your name

After reflecting on some hotly political bar talk from the past few days, I feel it's safe to say the following:

1. We all want the same thing. Both parties of this dispute really do want to conform America to their own image. Neither of the two sides are happy with how things stand right now and both want to push in opposite directions. If you accept this, it should be no surprise there's friction (or fraction) between the two. At the macro level, we both want a better America, we simply have different opinions on what "better" is. This is important because...

2. Nobody has ulterior motives. I can't speak for Falwell and his crew, but I'm not particularly interested in a theocracy. Ascribing democracy-toppling motives to evangelicals just isn't right. In the same way, ascribing unpatriotic motives to those on the left is equally wrong. I think understanding this might heal a lot of damage.

3. Willful ignorance is not bliss. It's becoming more and more apparent to me that we're losing the ability to relate to people who are different than us. We're not citizens, we're consumers. Consumers make choices. And each of us tailor our consumption (food, news, friendships, vegetables) to our desires. But sadly in news consumption, we head for the candy isle of news that affirms what we believe. This would be Fox, WSJ, Rush and Powerline Blog for Repubs and CNN, NYT, NPR and Daily Kos for Dems. By avoiding conflicting points of view, we're really avoiding our vegetables - things that challenge us, but make us better. So now most of us Red Staters are woefully, and willfully, ignorant of our Blue State brothers. Do they have back yard barbecues? I don't know. But I bet they couldn't explain to me the difference between an Armenian and a Pentecostal.

4. We need to stop up-thinking ourselves. Depending on your perspective, we're all made in the image of God or all derivative of the same monkey. Either way, talking down your neighbor is about like telling yo mama jokes to your brother. The perspectives gained from life in the Northeast or Southwest may be unique and valuable in different ways, but still valuable.

5. I'm about ready to drop politics for a while and go back to finding funny links - my life passion.