Worth it

Level 2 of thisBrittany Spears game is pretty hard, but worth it. Keep your hand steady.

Hip-hop debate

Finally a website to resolve the only unanswered question right now: Which of our two presidential candidates can get down the best? Thus, the Hip-Hop Debate. For what it's worth, Bush leads in the Hip-Hop Debate poll 56 to 46 according to the site (over 2.25 million ballots cast).

Demagogue or savant

You be the judge. Sen. Tom Harkin, the Iowa Democrat (still political, sorry - a few more days to go) got to write an op-ed in the University of Minnesota's newspaper. In it, Harkin doesn't talk about the promise or higher education, or spell out a defense for his man (Kerry) in a state Democrats should have wrapped up weeks ago.

Rather, Harkin resurrects the looming specter of a draft, saying, "If Bush is re-elected, he will have to restart the draft." What that basically means to students at U.Minn. is, vote for George W. Bush and start learning how to clean an M-16. Read the story here and decide if the Apocalyptic Prophet of Draft is baseless or soulful. Then ask yourself, what about this picture changes with Kerry in office?

Zook gone

Now that Florida has ended its embarrassing experiment with Ron Zook, I've got two questions:

1. Does this end my hopes of a Steve Spurrier press conference in Austin this February?
2. Any chance Florida will approach the astute Greg Davis about its coaching vacancy?

Why I hate the Red Sox and their fans

Just heard a talk show host in Boston say, "Because of the ALCS, you can throw the 26 championship of the Yankees out the window!" Insanity now!

Get ready...

Ever wonder why you hear so much about voter intimidation? Could it be because one party goes to the often-baseless charge as much as Texas Tech goes to the hot-route? In a stunning spilling of the beans which has been substantiated, but not publicized, the Rocky Mountain News reports a page from the DNC election handbook tells state-level Democratic operatives to make claims of voter intimidation, whether apparently valid or not. Chapter 2 says: "If no signs of intimidation techniques have emerged yet, launch a pre-emptive strike." The RMN verified the handbook with a named top official with the Democratic party. The Sun will rise in the East, Oklahoma will beat Texas and Democrats will charge Republicans with voter intimidation.

For anyone who thinks our elections will be over on Nov. 2, familiarize yourself with the following phrases: provisional ballot, absentee ballot, margin of litigation, Berks County, PA, Republican poll watcher, Democratic lawyer brigade, transition team, W.Va. elector Richie Robb, ACT and ACORN.

Journalism is so easy!

Let me set the scene: You're a political reporter and your editor wants you to write a colorful story about debate watching parties. Since you're having trouble finding a debate watching party for Republicans (perhaps because you, in your capacity as a reporter for the Wash. Post don't know any), you decide to concoct a party. While at your Washington Post-funded BBQ, you do some poking and prodding and viola! You're able to write this: "...the possibly unprecedented occurrence of a young woman in a cowboy hat pretending to make out with a poster of Dick Cheney."

Now that's an A+ line if I've ever heard one. Sadly, it never happened. The Post issued a correction:

In the Oct. 17 Sunday Source, the "Gatherings" story described a Republican barbecue held to watch a presidential debate. The item reported "the possibly unprecedented occurrence of a young woman in a cowboy hat pretending to make out with a poster of Dick Cheney." The item should have explained that the woman was asked to pose with the vice president's picture by the photographer working for The Washington Post. The woman also did not pretend to "make out" with the picture; at the photographer's suggestion, she pretended to blow a kiss at it. The item should have explained that the party was hosted in response to a request from The Post, which discussed the decorations and recipes with the host and agreed to reimburse the cost of recipe ingredients.

Ever feel like sports writers are held to a higher standard?

WARNING!

This may upset the popular perception, but Bush is no idiot, according to some scientist who seems interested. He says that at 22, Bush's IQ was in the mid 120s, whereas Kerry's at the same age was 120. This actually makes Bush the poindexter of the race (not counting the spindly-headed Nader, Badnarik, Peroutka and others).

Of course this is ridiculous in two ways. First, experts should know well enough to stop diagnosing presidential candidates from afar. Me and a buddy had a good chuckle over a Washington Post article once that brought in a few speech pathologists to "diagnose" Bush's speech patterns from what they've seen on T.V. Likewise, it's stupid to try and judge these two guys IQ from 35-year-old tests.

Secondly, there's still a false perception that Dubya's a dunce. Based on what? I say. Shouldn't liberals who propogate this idea be more sensative to any potential speech dissabilities? Isn't the rest of the proof simply ideological? Wouldn't it then make sense for conservatives, Republicans and possibly even Americans to say Jimmuh Cahtah was the dunceiest person to ever live?

Dawson greater than Nixon

It's official: I have surpassed Richard Nixon. According to Google, this blog sits at the No. 1 and 2 position for searches for the word "Orthogonian." Only at No. 3 is a reference to Nixon's former club at Whittier College. This came as a surprise to a member of the Orthogonian Society at Whittier who emailed me a while back. In light of his poor formatting skills, I'll withold his name, but print the letter in its entirety:

How did you come up with the name Orthogonian? Where did you hear about
it?

I would like to know if you would care to explain how you came up with
the such a name f

for your blog title.

From: A fellow Orthogonian via Whittier College

This should remind people that good things happen to you if you email me at orthogonianblog -at- yahoo dot com. (Unless you are some West African research scientist who has fallen into some money, if only I will help him out by giving up my bank account number and password.)

Why I hate the Red Sox (non sequitur)

I'm now unwilling to hand out any more baseball cred. to purported Red Sox fans. The final straw came last night while at the Dallas Mavericks preseason game. We start talking about the NLCS and one of my friends reveals how he's so happy the Red Sox are in the series. He's rooting for them to win. They deserve it, he says. For what? I say. He starts talking about how they don't get respect, how they try hard... I nearly lose it. Bandwagon Red Sox fans are just about my most despised form of human life. We all know people like this. Which leads me to: Why I hate the Red Sox (using non sequitur logic - see if you can spot it).

There is only one thing in sports than a poor winner: a poor looser. That's exactly what the Red Sox have been for 86 years. Tell me: what is it about Boston that makes everyone like them so? It can't be for anything they've done (nothing). It can't be for the manner in which they lose (think sniveling idiots decrying their luck or some curse).

But a lot of my hatred towards the Red Sox comes from who I'm a fan of. I can argue the Rangers have had a far more miserable existence than the Red Sox. So why is the Sox misery celebrated and the Rangers' ignored? Why does Peter Gammons have to rub it in my face every time Boston does something well? And puh-lease. Stop giving me the Charlie Brown analogy. Charlie never complained about some curse. He was an optimist, always believing he could kick the ball. Charlie was a nice guy. The Cubs are like Charlie. Nobody by rights should like the sniveling whiners known as the Red Sox. The Red Sox are like Bluto from Popeye. No matter how many times Popeye pummels him, it never gets old. The Red Sox may try to kick the football, but they're doing it for sympathy.

Here's my big fear. If Boston somehow manages to win the World Series, I'll have to put up with a bandwagon as large as it is obnoxious. Think Yankees "fans" after 9/11. What's worse than the Red Sox acting as poor losers? Dealing with them as poor winners.

Not a cheap shot

This is not a dog pile. I post this unfavorable link to John Edwards not because I think he's a creepy guy, not because I think his hair is overly perfect, not because I'm amused when someone calls him a "Breck Girl." I post it because it's the No. 1 link on the Internet right now and because I'm always curious how people perform when the camera is off. This – much like the video at the beginning of F9/11 with Bush – is an example of political primping and preening. Here's The Breck Girl. If you like it, there are also videos of Dick Cheney and Dan Rather there also.

Wish I had my vote back

If I had thought through everything and realized this man would be such awesome photographic material, maybe I would've voted for him.


Side note: Why is this man still playing sports?

Watch this:

From the maker of Airplane! (View the commercial with Windows Media Player, Real Player, or Quick Time.)

No excuses

Today is the start of election day in Texas. Yes, I know the votes won't be tallied until Nov. 2. But early voting started today in four states (Texas and Florida included) and I was there to cast my ballot at 12:20 p.m. today. The process went like this:

11:46 a.m. - Decided I want to vote today in Texas' early voting system.
11:47 a.m. - Through the miracle of the Internet (Thanks, Gore), I found polling locations, grabbed my registration card and walked out the door.
12:03 p.m. - Arrive at polling place with about 40 other civic-minded persons (including my barber who stood in front of me in line).
12:20 p.m. - Press the red "VOTE" button, virtually assuring Texas will remain a red state.

So there you have it. From decision to completion, 34 minutes. Early voting in Texas happens from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. from Oct. 18 through Oct. 22. On Oct. 23 (a Saturday) from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., on Sunday Oct. 24 from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. and then from Oct. 25 through Oct. 29 from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. This all means you have no excuse not to vote – 122 hours of early voting at multiple locations.

SIDE NOTE: Today's Note outlined various Electoral possibilities. Among them, Bush wins in Ohio and Florida and Kerry wins elsewhere could send the election to the House of Representatives, where Kerry would lose. Just so everyone isn't caught off guard, this is all part of constitutional law. Here's how it could go down:

Imagine if you will:
—John Kerry victories in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Minnesota, and New Hampshire. (That would get him to 262 electoral votes.)

—George Bush victories in Florida, Wisconsin (perhaps the most likely state to turn from Blue to Red), and Colorado. (That would get him to 259 electoral votes.)

John Kerry would need to put some combination of two of the three remaining states (Iowa, Nevada, New Mexico) into his column. Yes, yes — the president would have to put two of those three in his column and Iowa would have to be one of them, but these three states currently seem to be giving the president a slight edge.

And that's a scenario giving Ohio to John Kerry, obviously not a certainty to say the very least.

Now, Senator Kerry could win Pennsylvania and Florida and lose Ohio which would complicate the president's path to 270 a bit more, but we won't run through those scenarios today as it seems somewhat less likely.

And, unlike for the president, it is near impossible to imagine a scenario where John Kerry loses two of those Big Three and still wins the White House. He could hold everything Gore won in 2000 and flip Nevada and New Hampshire from Red to Blue and still only end up at a tying 269 and losing in the House of Representatives.

Here are the rules for winning the Prez in the House.

You oughta be in pictures

Perhaps even like these. For those interested in sending a "real" message to our Iraqi brethren about our own atrocities, this pacifistic and mamby-pamby inter-faith group is for you! Their method: a website and a camera. Below are examples of the "guilt" and "shame" some Americans are expressing for liberating millions from the control of a brutal tyrant.

Read and watch?

... or watch and read? What do you do when a movie comes out depicting a book you also want to read? Read the book quickly and then head to the theatre, or watch the movie then tear through the book? I support watching the movie first, and here's why:

People who read the book first and love the story will ALMOST ALWAYS be dissapointed with what they see on screen. Why? Because a film cannot capture the depth or bredth of a 300-page book. So some of the intensity of the book will be lost in the film rendition. Second: Does the book help you understand the movie? Not usually. Can a movie help you understand a book? Depends. Have defined characters in my mind always helps me picture the scenes in a book. I don't need that aid in a movie. Third: Knowing the plot of a movie is a terrible way to enjoy it the first time. Knowing the plot of a book is less of a disaster as the book has plenty more storyline to surprise you.

So, I say watch the movie, read the book and watch the movie again. It's the path with the least dissapointment.

FNL

Just saw Friday Night Lights last evening with a packed house at Citiplace. The crowd certainly would have felt comfortable if the movie was a film breakdown of a high school game. Meaning, the crowd was all young, large and male.

Which made it obvious to everyone in the theatre that some football parts of the movie are preposterous. On fourth-and-inches coaches almost always call the quarterback sneak – not the dive – and defenses never (NEVER) run a twist or stunt or whatever in that situation.

Regardless, like all great sports movies, this Friday Night Lights is not about sports, but life. It's actually not even about staying true to the story, as told in the book, from which it departs several times. Life, as portrayed in the movie, is far more accurate than Radio, Remember the Titans, Varsity Blues, etc. This movie carries the truth of HS football further (at least as I've seen it) than any other silver screen portrayal.

Finally, let me at: I'm so completely thrilled I didn't read the book before hand. That fact allowed the movie to surprise me in an un-Hollywood-like fashion. No spoilers here. Just see it.

HSR Mondays

Monday brings fresh-like Homestar Runner material. Consider:

New Strong Bad email (No. 116), from Justin Corcoran, MASS

Strong Bad gets a mass email about electric boots. Then declares: "I would like to be you're girlfriend based soley on your awesome boots." But the boots didn't live up to their awesome quietness. The Greatness of Andy Griffith is also revealed. One question remains: Why is Homestar Runner tied up. Wait for the "song" at the end.

Now that we're in October, it may be time to reconsider the greatness of HSR's trick-or-treat from 2001. Play along. In fact, play three times.

V.I. Day

I hear lots of charges (some baseless, some not) of Republican voter intimidation in Florida. I just wonder what Michael Moore would say if he discovered GOP loyalists had forced their way into Kerry for President Florida offices last week, breaking one man's arm and generally chewing out old people for supporting the Mass. Senator.

Of course, it happened the other way around. AFL-CIO protestors stormed Republican party offices, standing on desks, breaking one man's arm, dishing out verbal abuse and fleeing before the cops showed up. It wasn't just in Florida. In Wisconsin, too, the union conscripts broke in. The uber-union has claimed responsibility on its website. (And just in case you're wondering - though many of you aren't - about the Bush response to the AFL-CIO claims regarding overtime pay, here it is.

Texas sucks

Fire Greg Davis. Then fire Mack Brown.

Early Exit Poll

Two early exit polls to report this morning:

1. Texas will lose to Oklahoma. I've never been more certain of anything in my life. Anyone want to take odds? I'll give 3-1.

2. Florida will go for Kerry. I know Bush leads by about five points (last time I checked), but the New York Daily News revealed that some 46,000 New Yorkers now are registered to vote both in the City and in Florida (and most often one of the state's six largest Demo counties). Republicans who try to pursue this obvious voter fraud will almost certainly be lampooned by Democrats as driving a huge voter intimidation campaign.

Stop forgetting Poland

Our president has a message for Democrats: You foget Poland.

Stop playing football

It's bad news for Kerry.

Listen to the flower people

It finally comes to me why John Kerry's line about a global test seems so funny. Here's what he said (below for details):  "The test I was talking about is a test of legitimacy — not just in the globe, but elsewhere."

Compare this gag line from Spinal Tap:

David: We toured the world, we toured the States...
Derek: We toured the world and elsewhere.
David: It was, it was a dream come true.

Run Ricky Run

Now that it became clear Ricky would have to pay back a substantial portion of his signing bonus after skipping town, he wants to come back. I'm happy about this, obviously because I like to watch Ricky play. But it now seems Ricky may not play this year -- he still has that matter of the drug tests he failed. And since he talked so openly about how he'd used masking agents to disguise positives in the past, I'm thinking it's unlikely Ricky sees any leniency from the the Man's NFL.

Like nobody's bidness

It's Wednesday, which means Homestar updated two days ago. Here's what happened:

Trouble in Cheat Commando realm. The problem: double coupons. The nerdular nerdence gets left behind. His recourse? To pretend. His pretending causes problems. Awesome Inspector Gadget reference at the end (I'll get you Gadget!).

From sam concord california: Time Capsule talk. The Strong Bad plan: Put in his cassette, spit and dry ice. Through these efforts, Strong Bad's coolty is confirmed. Be sure to click "tapes" at the end.

Inappropriate?

This may be the wrong time to say so, but wasn't Rodney Dangerfield the least funny comedien ever? Whenever I watched him, I was simply weirded out.

Munsters, debates about debates and Martians

makes me realize I could be doing better things with my time. So I flipped to C-Span and watched as the U.S. House of Representatives voted on a bill to reinstate the civilian military draft. HR 163 was defeated by a sound 400 vote margin. Just in case anyone was concerned about Republicans pushing a draft resolution through the Congress, 215 Republicans voted against the draft. None voted for it. Of course, just today news of a possible draft hit newsstands around the University of Texas, where headline writers declare that Bush and Kerry only "appear" to dismiss the possibility of a draft.

On another front, I'm amused so many want an opinion of how Bush performed in the debate. Poorly, I say. But who among us really expected Bush to perform well? Certainly not those who claim he can't even speak in complete sentences. Tonight's debate should be different. I read one column comparing Dick Cheney to "Darth Vader" and John Edwards to "Luke Skywalker." Luke: I am your Vice-President. Puh-lease. It wasn't enough for Marianne Means to compare Edwards to Skywalker, in the next sentence she calls him Bambi with razor-like teeth.

Meanwhile, the most troubling thing to me that came out of the first debate was John Kerry's so-called "Global Test" he may or may not subject the United States to before military action. Bush jumped on the fanciful UN-love talk during the debate (though only half-heartedly), but the Republican minions have since latched on. Now Kerry says Bush and Co. are taking him out of context. If you trust the Washington Times enough to quote accurately, Kerry said: "The test I was talking about is a test of legitimacy — not just in the globe, but elsewhere." To which, I wonder: Will the man on the moon or Martian support sway Mr. Kerry? If the World is not sufficient for support, from whence will our help come? Only Gene Roddenberry knows.

Switching it over to Trace

Gatewood tells me Son Volt has reformed (including Farrar) to record another album. According to Reuters, or the website (I can't remember), SV will start a tour early in 2005. I will be there.